From here:

(5.) The Touch of Dutch

Total Recall is the second of three science-fiction films directed by The Netherlands’ own Paul Verhoeven. Like Robocop before, and Starship Troopers afterward, the film used glorified violence and dark satire to poke fun at commercialism, corporatism, and fascism. Through these films Verhoeven managed the radical act of making politically relevant themes prominent within mainstream hollywood cinema.

On the other hand, Director Len Wiseman’s previous works have all the social conscience of Karl Rove drowning endangered species in a lake of oil.

The rest of this image has been heavily censored

(4.) Get your ass to… nowhere?

There is a Hollywood myth which saw a recent resurgence, perhaps due to the box office disappointment of John Carter and Mars Needs Moms, which holds that movies taking place on Mars are destined to fail. Indeed if you also look at Red Planet, Ghosts of Mars, RocketMan, Mission To Mars, and Doom, it certainly looks that way. However, as a counter-example, this early-90′s Schwarzenegger flick made over $260 Million worldwide (on a $65 Million Budget):

(Shhhhh, he’s making a good point)

(3.) Eccentrica Gallumbits

So after abandoning the setting, and the satirical tone, but with an expanded $200 Million pricetag what exactly are they keeping from the original movie?

Is this what made the original film successful?

(2.) Requiem for a Johnny Cab

Not having seen the new film yet, I can’t say for certain whether the original’s best scene will be given a nod.

Even if Johnny-Cab returns, it is certainly going to be CGI, and there is just something about the animatronics that makes it work. I can’t quite put my finger on it….

Yes, that’s it!

At 1:21 in the above-linked video, A beturbaned Arnold Schwarzenegger not only skimps on the taxi fare, but insults an unfeeling robotic entity. And like so many T-1000s, the Johnny Cab reverts to revenge mode and attempts to run him down. The final shot of the scene is Johnny Cab burning, his face melting away as he utters a cheery “We hope you enjoyed the ride”, and explodes violently.

(1.) Rated-R for Awesome

Right now you might be saying “Hey dumbass, there is no R in Awesome”. Well there simply is too much awesome in the original film to split hairs, ARSEOME. There, I’ve had to create a whole new word to describe the movie, Happy? I’m sorry to say this but…

The Total Recall Remake is PG-13…

Let that sink in a minute, if you need help click here. (Embedding sadly disabled)

In case you can’t watch youtube, I’ll sum it up for you: Total Recall (1990) is one of the bloodiest action movies ever made. Director Len Wiseman previously emasculated the Die Hard franchise in a similar way, so what reason do we have to believe that this will be any different?

And the answer of course is none… none more reasons.