The inexorable onslaught of Christmas into the months whose names don't end in December continues this year. I walked into a Home Depot on October 2nd and had to dodge a multi-sensory assault from the Christmas section: blinky lights, colorful decorations, pre-snowed upon Christmas trees, and pine cones that smell like a whore's vagina (well, if the whore douches with potpourri). Thankfully no aural assaults...yet.

I did a flog-search and last year the first offense was reported on October 8th (a K-Mart commercial), so it's good to see that for a second year running, Wal-Mart has some competition in the crass commercialization of the sacred birth of baby Jesus. It's reassuring to know that someday, Frankenmuth's "Christmas in July" won't be kitschy.

(Home Depot sucks, by the way - if you prefer to shop at Home Depot instead of Lowes, I suspect your mother may have enjoyed a few too many Kahlua and Vodkas when you were a fetus. FYI, this parenthetical note is really just a joke; I have no particular fondness for any hardware store - I just find FAS humourous. Almost as humourous as the notion that a whore would actually douche - I mean, that cummed in cunt smell is an integral part of the experience of utilizing a prostitute).