Friday, December 05 2008: Fuck Walmart
Against my better judgement I made a pilgrimmage to the white trash mecca in Charles Town, WV. I wanted to get my one-stop shop on, so I stopped for dinner at the embedded Subway and then moved on to get my two items. A smoke detector and some marbles for the boys: this shouldn't be difficult. Of course, it took me 20 minutes to find the items because Walmart is in perpetual restock mode. Anyway, I finally found my stuff, exchanged capital for goods and was about to leave so I could go take a shower (I always feel dirty after leaving a Walmart) when my son informs me he has to pee.
It is a true law of the universe that at any given time one of the bathrooms in a Walmart will be closed for cleaning and yet will still manage to maintain a level of filth that rivals that of a truck stop's facilities. Schroedinger's cat had died so the bathroom in the front of store was closed for (no) cleaning. We trekked to the bathrooms in the back, took care of business, and began the interminable march around pallets and gob-mouthed patrons out of the store.
At the front of the store, there was a kindly old women who informed me as I was trying to leave with my hard-won property that she had to see my receipt before I could leave the store. I told her I had thrown away the receipt (a lie - there are no good guys). My hands were full: Walmart booty, a soda, and a 6" sub from Subway. The receipt was in my wallet in my pocket, I couldn't be bothered to dig it out, and fuck it they didn't have the right to stop and search me just because I used the toilets in the back of the store. The woman absently explained that the "boss man" over there in the black pants said she has to see the receipt of anyone coming out of the store with a bag. I repeated that I didn't have my receipt because I had thrown it away. She explained a second time that the boss man said she had to see my receipt. I saw that this women was ill-equipped for the conundrum I had presented to her, whereby she was required by the boss man to review the receipt I did not possess. I decided to throw her a bone so I opened my bag to allow her to inspect its contents. This did not seem to placate her. I was growing tired of the show and knew that things would turn very badly for belligerent Beowulf if the boss man made his way over to join in on our tableau so I took decisive action. I looked the old woman in the eye and said, "Look, since I didn't steal anything there isn't a problem here.", turned on my heel and marched out.
I understand, in principle, why Walmart thinks they want to have a policy like this, but I object to it for a couple of reasons. First, it assumes that most Walmart customers are criminals when most customers are actually law-abiding game players. Second, it will end up hassling honest customers a lot more than dishonest customers because all but the dumbest of criminals will hide their stolen crap in something other than a Walmart bag. Third, Walmart has no right to detain me or search so their "check the receipt" policy is unenforceable and relies upon my complicity in my own inconveniencing - which just pisses me off. Fuck Walmart.
It is a true law of the universe that at any given time one of the bathrooms in a Walmart will be closed for cleaning and yet will still manage to maintain a level of filth that rivals that of a truck stop's facilities. Schroedinger's cat had died so the bathroom in the front of store was closed for (no) cleaning. We trekked to the bathrooms in the back, took care of business, and began the interminable march around pallets and gob-mouthed patrons out of the store.
At the front of the store, there was a kindly old women who informed me as I was trying to leave with my hard-won property that she had to see my receipt before I could leave the store. I told her I had thrown away the receipt (a lie - there are no good guys). My hands were full: Walmart booty, a soda, and a 6" sub from Subway. The receipt was in my wallet in my pocket, I couldn't be bothered to dig it out, and fuck it they didn't have the right to stop and search me just because I used the toilets in the back of the store. The woman absently explained that the "boss man" over there in the black pants said she has to see the receipt of anyone coming out of the store with a bag. I repeated that I didn't have my receipt because I had thrown it away. She explained a second time that the boss man said she had to see my receipt. I saw that this women was ill-equipped for the conundrum I had presented to her, whereby she was required by the boss man to review the receipt I did not possess. I decided to throw her a bone so I opened my bag to allow her to inspect its contents. This did not seem to placate her. I was growing tired of the show and knew that things would turn very badly for belligerent Beowulf if the boss man made his way over to join in on our tableau so I took decisive action. I looked the old woman in the eye and said, "Look, since I didn't steal anything there isn't a problem here.", turned on my heel and marched out.
I understand, in principle, why Walmart thinks they want to have a policy like this, but I object to it for a couple of reasons. First, it assumes that most Walmart customers are criminals when most customers are actually law-abiding game players. Second, it will end up hassling honest customers a lot more than dishonest customers because all but the dumbest of criminals will hide their stolen crap in something other than a Walmart bag. Third, Walmart has no right to detain me or search so their "check the receipt" policy is unenforceable and relies upon my complicity in my own inconveniencing - which just pisses me off. Fuck Walmart.
