flog

The Mike O'Meara show is doing "Best Of" this week so I was listening to the music radio stations today because I feel pathetic listening to non-live talk radio I've already heard once before and decided that the radio DJ's time has passed. They can (and probably should) be replaced by machines. The standard argument I've heard against mechanization of playlists is that DJs bring personality to the radio listening experience. As far as I can tell, though, what these yammering imbeciles offer is inane statements half-disguised as serious commentary, c.f., these valuable interstitial tidbits that humans added this evening during my hour long commute:

• traffic on the Beltway (tee hee, he called it the ParkingLot...twice) is bad and drivers will honk at you for no reason


• pop music is formulaic


• I didn't win the lower price tickets to DC101's crapfest this weekend but I can still pay the higher (regular) price for tickets to DC101's crapfest this weekend


• it rained a lot today

It's bad enough that my attempt to listen for the 3 good songs per hour is punctuated by this nonsense, but what's worse is that all the DJs yell their vacuities at the listener, managing, amazingly enough, to make one of the most annoying things about listening to the radio even more annoying.

Again, too edgy for facebook:



And the original:

Hey! Looks like an emergency
Well, that's OK with me 'cause I wanna take you in this elevator
Looks like you're my baby, now
So put away that thing 'cause my baby don't need no vibrator

I'm sure...I'm the one you're looking for
I'm sure...I'm sure you've heard it all before
I care...but I don't care anymore
I'm sorry...but I don't know what I'm sorry for

She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator
She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator
She don't, she don't, she don't need no...electric entertainer tuna investigator

Hey...now the doors are opening
and I look like a jerk while you're grinning like an alligator
Can't we just forget the whole thing
shake each others hands and say, "Goodbye, baby, see you later"

I'm sure...I'm the one you're looking for
I'm sure...I'm sure you've heard it all before
I care...but I don't care anymore
I'm sorry...but I don't know what I'm sorry for

She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator
She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator
She don't, she don't, she don't need no...artificial stimulator non-organic excavator

I'm sure...I'm the one you're looking for
I'm sure...I'm sure you've heard it all before
I care...but I don't care anymore
I'm sorry...but I don't know what I'm sorry for

She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator
She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator
She don't, she don't, she don't need no...electric entertainer tuna investigator

hey... She don't, she don't, she don't
hey... She don't, she don't, she don't
hey... She does, she does, she does
hey... She does, she does, she does

So, I will see you later

I'm asking myself the same question as the Fukerton.

Against my better judgement I made a pilgrimmage to the white trash mecca in Charles Town, WV. I wanted to get my one-stop shop on, so I stopped for dinner at the embedded Subway and then moved on to get my two items. A smoke detector and some marbles for the boys: this shouldn't be difficult. Of course, it took me 20 minutes to find the items because Walmart is in perpetual restock mode. Anyway, I finally found my stuff, exchanged capital for goods and was about to leave so I could go take a shower (I always feel dirty after leaving a Walmart) when my son informs me he has to pee.

It is a true law of the universe that at any given time one of the bathrooms in a Walmart will be closed for cleaning and yet will still manage to maintain a level of filth that rivals that of a truck stop's facilities. Schroedinger's cat had died so the bathroom in the front of store was closed for (no) cleaning. We trekked to the bathrooms in the back, took care of business, and began the interminable march around pallets and gob-mouthed patrons out of the store.

At the front of the store, there was a kindly old women who informed me as I was trying to leave with my hard-won property that she had to see my receipt before I could leave the store. I told her I had thrown away the receipt (a lie - there are no good guys). My hands were full: Walmart booty, a soda, and a 6" sub from Subway. The receipt was in my wallet in my pocket, I couldn't be bothered to dig it out, and fuck it they didn't have the right to stop and search me just because I used the toilets in the back of the store. The woman absently explained that the "boss man" over there in the black pants said she has to see the receipt of anyone coming out of the store with a bag. I repeated that I didn't have my receipt because I had thrown it away. She explained a second time that the boss man said she had to see my receipt. I saw that this women was ill-equipped for the conundrum I had presented to her, whereby she was required by the boss man to review the receipt I did not possess. I decided to throw her a bone so I opened my bag to allow her to inspect its contents. This did not seem to placate her. I was growing tired of the show and knew that things would turn very badly for belligerent Beowulf if the boss man made his way over to join in on our tableau so I took decisive action. I looked the old woman in the eye and said, "Look, since I didn't steal anything there isn't a problem here.", turned on my heel and marched out.

I understand, in principle, why Walmart thinks they want to have a policy like this, but I object to it for a couple of reasons. First, it assumes that most Walmart customers are criminals when most customers are actually law-abiding game players. Second, it will end up hassling honest customers a lot more than dishonest customers because all but the dumbest of criminals will hide their stolen crap in something other than a Walmart bag. Third, Walmart has no right to detain me or search so their "check the receipt" policy is unenforceable and relies upon my complicity in my own inconveniencing - which just pisses me off. Fuck Walmart.