There is nothing like a birth for erasing the thin veneer of decorum and dignity that separates us from the beasts. Medical staff gloss over the untidiness with Latin jargon --

"External cephalic version may be applied to ensure that the neonate presents in vertex position, preferably occiput anterior. A ventouse may be applied to the posterior fontanelle to advance station. Upon extraction, any aspirated meconium is suctioned..."

-- but the reality is all too clear: you are shoved into position, then yanked out with a dent puller stuck to your squishy head, your face full of taint and mouth full of your own shit...

After the messy mechanics of delivery, the red tape starts. It takes 17 signatures to have a baby in the Commonwealth of Virginia:

• 2 Admission forms
  
• 1 Medicine acknowledgment
  
• 1 Anesthesia form
  
• 1 Consent for cesarean section
  
• 1 Consent for hearing test
  
• 1 Acknowledgment of newborn training
  
• 1 Information form on circumcision
  
• 1 Consent for photographer
  
• 1 Application for birth certificate
  
• 1 Hospital birth certificate worksheet
  
• 2 Birth information verification forms
  
• 1 Educational worksheet
  
• 3 Release forms

But such concerns are soon forgotten when you bring home the little spawn, complete with new baby smell, and start putting to use all the baby furniture and accessories that have crowded your previous life into the basement. There's no need to try and retell the bringing-up-baby story that has already been told so well, so I'll just say thanks to all who offered congratulations and advice and wait for the youngster to start his own blog.